I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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