I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize