I just cut my nipple shaving
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
