actually, I'm a sock model
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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