i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
