I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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