My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
