you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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