Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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