Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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