If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
