he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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