im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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