Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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