the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
