So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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