her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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