I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize