bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
