You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
ttyl tear gas
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
