my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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