The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Randomize
