My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
