Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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