Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm both gender and math confused
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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