Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
