Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
