last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
