I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
