Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
