I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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