Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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