while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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