the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
