Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
