yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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