I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
whose ass print is on the piano?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
