That reminds me...we need to get swords
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
