oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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