Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
