i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you win again, gameday.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
