Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My dick has a subreddit
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
