420 ftw
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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