I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
