Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
