Porn is love you can see.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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