It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
