i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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