god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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