Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
