We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
now i know why i became what i already was.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
