you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
