so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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