If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
