Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize