Best friends brother. Beat that.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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