You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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