dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he puts the penis in happiness.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
