no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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