Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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