I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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