wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
His hands were made for my vagina.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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