Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Pants are for mortals
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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