Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
