I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
