he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have aggressive nipples.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
