everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
