Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
