Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
