Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
