My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
