I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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