My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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