I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
