theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wear drunk well.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
