In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
