Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
