just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
