You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
