She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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